Let’s talk about one of my pet peeves.
It’s something we have each heard a woman say, or known a man whose friends have described him in this way.
I have a problem with girls describing the men they are dating as “whipped.” I often hear a lot of women bragging about how they’ve got their man “whipped,” and know they can easily convince him to do anything they ask. It bothers me that women have this idea about the men they date, and I wish this word would stop being emphasized among couples.
Yes, we all love when guys do something nice for us and appreciate loving gestures from our significant others, but talking about how you are in complete control of your boyfriend and can get him to do whatever you want—whenever you want—just doesn’t make for a healthy relationship. This won’t make the guy you’re with feel awesome about himself, you, or your relationship.
Ladies, if you’re dating a guy who you’re proud to have “whipped” or think that he should be constantly wrapped around your finger, here are some reasons why this mentality is detrimental to your relationship:
No man wants to feel like he is completely controlled by his girlfriend. In the same way that you wouldn’t want to feel like your boyfriend always has you under his thumb, a relationship isn’t fun when there isn’t any sense of independence. The word itself—and the mentality behind it—is a degrading way to refer to your significant other. Why are you dating this man? Is it because you have feelings for him, or because you want him to be at your beck and call? Expecting your significant other to do exactly what you want and labeling him publicly as “whipped” won’t make him feel respected by you or confident about your relationship. This could cause him to resent your relationship—or worse—you!
If you are expecting your man to be “whipped”, then what would be the meaning behind any of the things that he does for you? Your boyfriend won’t be treating you well out of kindness, but instead only striving to meet the expectations that you have set. You should want to date a man who wants to do things to make you happy because he cares about you, not just because you expect him to.
Trust me: chivalry isn’t dead, ladies.
There are men out there who will want to spoil you, but not because you put pressure on them to do so. If you find this guy, there won’t have to be any forced expectations involved, and you won’t have to consistently ask him to do specific things in your relationship. The best relationships cause you to bring out the best in each other.
Relationships involve a lot of give and take. When it comes to making your partner happy, you should want to spoil your significant other just as much as they spoil you. It’s a two way street. If you love when your boyfriend pays for your dinner date or surprises you with a no-occasion gift, have you ever thought that making these small gestures yourself would bring the same smile to his face?
Maybe men like to be wooed, too.
When your man feels expected to do everything for you, he may start to feel burnt out. Especially if he’s not getting any of the same attention in return. If you want to make your significant other happy, then make sure he feels appreciated too.
If you’re dating a guy who you have to “whip” into shape, then he’s probably not the type of guy that you should be with. You never want to date someone who is going to fundamentally change themselves for your relationship. If you are trying to alter the way he acts then he may not be the type of guy that you’re really looking for, and he will probably fall short of making you consistently happy. Relationships work best when you fall in love by being yourselves, not who you think the other expects you to be. In the long run, pressuring your significant other to act a certain way won’t make for a successful relationship.
If you are dating the right guy, you won’t have to try so hard to make your relationship work. Being motivated to make your significant other happy comes from your true romantic feelings, not from the pressure or control you want wish to exert in your relationship.
Photo by Thomas Leuthard