We all love them, we would do anything and everything for them, but sometimes they drive us up the wall. It’s the man you love so much and sometimes want to grab by the shoulders and shake ‘em up – the mama’s boy.
You and his mother get along like two peas in a pod. You both love art, sunflowers, organic foods, Reese’s cups, and most importantly, the one man that brought you together in the first place. You both would do anything and everything in the world for him and never ask anything in return, the only difference is, you wish he could do some of those things for himself. While his mother lives to make sure his every need and desire is fulfilled and her beautiful boy is taken care of, you secretly wish he would do those things for himself because when she’s not around, guess who does it? That’s right, you do.
You love taking care of him, but he’s driving you crazy. It’s a wonderful gesture to drop by the post office for him, or to pick up groceries on the way home, but lately you just feel like it’s too much. Trust me, you aren’t the only one. Many of us ladies are lucky enough to be the partner in crime to the thief who stole your heart, and your sanity. Don’t worry, though, follow these tips and you’ll forget you took on a mama bear role in the first place.
If your man is anything like mine, he probably gets home from work and tosses his clothing any which way, not giving any thought to whether or not it might grow legs and walk its way into the hamper. Most men are oblivious to the fact that even though their clothes might smell like they could grow legs, they don’t, in fact – their mother was the literal legs. If there’s anything I’ve learned in my relationship, it’s to choose your battles and decide which ones are worth fighting. Laundry? Keep your sanity, girl. It isn’t worth the hassle, while you might feel like his mother picking up his clothes and putting them in the hamper every. single. day. Keep in mind that you leave clothes around too, sometimes. Drop little hints when he tosses his smelly socks next to the bed that if he had taken 3 more steps, he could’ve slam dunked into the basket. Alternatively, if your guy is hard-headed and doesn’t really understand, make a game out of putting clothing in it’s rightful place. For every pair of socks, pants, any shirts or underwear – assign points and create rewards. (I know, I know, it sounds like it’s for a child, JUST TRUST ME) When rewards come in the form of food, dates, and a good time (if you know what I’m sayin’) things become more fun, less stressful, and take away the tension of you being frustrated that you’re picking up his crusty socks – again. Once it catches on and he’s picking up his own socks, the tables might turn and maybe you’ll be the one earning points! This game doesn’t have to apply to just laundry. Dishes, garbage, and yard work are all worthy of a try! It’s an effective way to take the stress out of doing all the cleaning by yourself, while letting him know he needs to take more responsibility for his own cleaning.
Sure, picking up after him day after day gets seriously frustrating, but what about when his relationship with his mother gets in the way of his relationship with you? Although you and his mother may not compete for his love because he’s got enough love for a million life times, he may still be putting your relationship first, with the wrong woman.
More seriously, your mama’s boy probably turns to his mom with any and every problem in his life. While it’s sweet that he still needs his mom’s advice, there are some things he should be discussing with you first, and not his mom. If there are problems in your relationship that aren’t being talked about with you, they’re being talked about with his mother. It gets super awkward if there’s a problem you don’t know about at a family gathering, until his mom asks you if you sorted it out (YIKES). It’s possible this creates bottled up tension that you have a hard time keeping to yourself, talk to him about it. Explain that problems between the two of you are best kept as they are – just between you. He’s probably going to his mom in the first place because you two are so similar, he thinks she might be able to resolve the problem before things get worse. In reality, it just feels like he’s creating a communication gap that is bridged by his mom. An awesome way to communicate without confrontation is to let each other completely express what they’re feeling without interrupting and responding in a way that is understanding. It’s important for you to make clear what is acceptable to share and what is not, and make sure it’s understood that communication is key!
Just because you don’t have a son of your own, doesn’t mean that you don’t understand a mother’s bond. Sitting back and thinking about how much you love your own mom or dad is really important in understanding the relationship he has with his mother. Often times, you turn to your confidant with your troubles hoping that you might come back with better results than if you had tried to fix the problem yourself. Always remember that he wouldn’t be able to treat you like a queen if he hadn’t been taught by his mother to spoil and love you no matter what, because that’s what she did for him. Always remember that he doesn’t complain about the overflowing makeup bins and ridiculous amounts of hair products (and hair, hehe) in the shower because he grew up being close to his mom and seeing it everyday. So next time you start to feel that little fire growing inside your belly, remember that you’re not perfect either.
All gripes aside, you love your man more than anything and even though he makes you crazy sometimes. Honestly, he’s the only mama’s boy you would ever want to love. At the end of the day, sitting on the couch with a good movie and some ice cream with him is the only place in the world you want to be. Amongst the frustration you feel, it’s important to remember that you are not his mother, and although you two are similar women, he loves you for different reasons. While living together is a big step, and often a huge commitment that involves daily cleaning up after each other, you are not responsible for every single thing he does or does not do. It’s also super important to remember that if you ever feel second best to his mom, she had him first – quite literally. It’s extremely important to never make him feel like he has to choose between the women he loves most. After all, his mother understands your frustrations better than anyone, so kick it back on a gal’s night and vent your little heart out because the best bonding, is over the man you both love most.
Feature image: Trevor Hurlbut