Confessions of a Jewelry-Obsessed Fiend

jewelry obsessed fiend

Are you distracted by anything that shimmers or sparkles? Do you spend an unfathomable amount of money on jewelry that you don’t need because you already own an entire box full of baubles? Is everyone’s go-to gift for you jewelry of some kind? Well then, you clicked on the right article, because this is the place to bond over some of the absurd things you’ve considered or done because of jewelry and your lust for it. Here are five confessions of a jewelry-obsessed fiend.

Confession #1: You have to allot time to put on/remove your jewelry.

Sure, that huge stack of bracelets on your wrist looks gorgeous and on-trend, but your dirty little secret is that it takes you ten minutes to arrange and put on in the morning. The embarrassing fact that you have to allocate time to put your rings, bracelets, multiple necklaces, and earrings on in your routine is something you wouldn’t readily admit to, but it’s a necessary evil to look this fabulous. Taking off your jewelry is also a hassle at bedtime, as you can’t jump right into bed without fear of damaging one of your precious pieces. The process of putting on and removing jewelry is an entire ritual in your daily life.

Confession #2: You buy jewelry (that you don’t need) with money (you don’t have).

Even though you have a whole hanging organizer full of it, you still can’t get enough jewelry. You stalk Instagram accounts, jewelry magazines, and people’s independent seller Facebook pages, looking for the perfect color-coordinated set of earrings to match that necklace you bought, or another cocktail ring to add to the six you wear every day. You’re not sure if you would call it an actual problem, but looking for and picking out new jewelry is something that gets your heart racing faster than two venti coffees.

Confession #3: You hate wearing your jewelry at times, but you’re known as the “accessorizer.”

There are days where the jingling of your bracelets drives you crazier than if you were listening to silverware screech on a plate. Sometimes you wish you didn’t have to deal with either taking your rings off when you wash your hands and risk forgetting them on the side of the sink, or keeping them on and possibly ruining them every single time you go to the bathroom. Untangling three horribly knotted strands of the daintiest necklace chains is infuriating enough to want to just pitch them. You know your life would be easier if you gave up wearing at least some of your jewelry, but you’d also feel exposed and unarmored without it. So you soldier on, your weapons of choice glinting in the sunlight and blinding any passerby who dares to look at you straight-on.

Confession #4: You have cried over losing or breaking a piece of jewelry.

While you usually try to limit crying jags to things of real importance, sometimes you can’t help sobbing over breaking that limited edition and now sold out necklace. Your jewelry is a part of your identity, and when you lose a piece, it is heart-wrenching. While others may not even notice the difference because you wear so many other pieces, your ring finger certainly feels naked without its crowning achievement – the Claddagh your mom bought you for graduation. Thus comes the need to replace the lost or stolen piece, yet again feeding into your jewelry-searching needs.

Confession #5: Some jewelry sits in your organizer, neglected for years.

You absolutely pick favorites, and only wear those you deem worthy of being the prettiest or glitziest. You’re guilty of leaving the jewelry you don’t like sit for so long without wearing it that it starts to tarnish. You try to forget about all the money you’ve spent on pendants that were cute at the time, but you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing today. It’s only a tad guilt-inducing to think of all of the knick-knacks that were given to you as Christmas or birthday gifts that you conveniently “aren’t wearing right now,” or have even given away.

Being someone so fixated on adornments can be trying at times, but it’s also fun to be accessorized to the fullest extent that your fingers, wrists, and neck will allow. You know your frippery makes you stand out, and you wouldn’t want to live without your gems and your nickname of “Sparkle Plenty.”

Feature image: Hammonton Photography, Creative Commons

Keara Hozella
Overly-caffeinated post-grad fixated on cats (especially my girl, Sophie), literature, sparkly jewelry, anything with a purple hue, and the Oxford comma. Currently living in the middle of nowhere and looking to expand beyond "what is dreamt of in [my own] philosophy."