So you’re in a new relationship and you aren’t quite sure where you stand with your new beau. We’ve all been that person in the unpredictable relationship, wondering where each new day will lead. It’s easy to get anxious over the uncertainties of this fresh connection because you still have so much to learn about each other. Each moment can feel like you’re a baby fawn testing out his land legs for the first time. Sure, things will be a bit shaky and unclear, but what’s important to remember is that you’re not signing any binding contract that demands you to read the fine print before sealing the deal. Yes, there are gray areas in every new relationship, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth while! Here’s why:
Can you imagine if every time you starting seeing a new person you both sat down and laid out every detail of your lives, expectations, and quirks? “I once had a gold fish named bubbles. He died in 2001. In 2010 I shared a dorm with a girl who slept with her eyes open… it still haunts my dreams. I’m a dog person, I hate cheese, and I hog all of the blankets. We’ll either end this on the 26th of August or we can renew our contract and get married when we’re 28. So, do you accept these terms and conditions?” Yeah… that sounds horrific. A little mystery is good. It keeps things fresh because you’re always learning something new about one another. No, you don’t know if this is a forever thing or if it’ll end tomorrow, but who wants to know? Most relationships don’t come equipped with their own psychic in tow and that’s probably for the best. Let’s be honest, we’d be focused on the relationship’s demise if we knew it’s outcome and we’d miss out on anything good that could have come from it. It might not always feel like it, but a little mystery/uncertainty is good.
Do you find yourself thinking, “What are we? Are we friends with benefits? Dating?” Feeling the need to define a relationship early on can come down to feeling insecure in your new bond. This can ensue copious amounts of anxiety that, let’s face it, we don’t need, but who wants to be the person that demands a clear explanation of what this new found partnership is? The solution is easy! Just stop worrying about. Live in the now and take each day one step at a time. Sometimes just letting things happen in their own time, instead of quickly trying to define them, works best. Let this new relationship have time to develop before it blooms into something substantial.
Jumping the gun and trying to define and establish labels can feel overwhelming and just plain overbearing. New relationships can bring on a sense of pressure. Forcing someone who’s not ready to define a label can add another layer of pressure they aren’t prepared for. Sometimes keeping things casual is easier until you know each other better.
Chances are you’re still trying to figure yourself out. Maybe you’ve just completed your Master’s degree and you’re submitting tons of job applications by day and waiting tables by night. You’re not sure where you’ll be living within the next year, and you haven’t even decided if you want to share your space with a cat yet, let alone creating another set of keys for your partner. Trying to figure out your life is a struggle. Throwing another person into the mix can be a recipe for disaster. Taking time to figure out you is crucial before you can decide what path you want to take with a new love interest. Until then, maybe it’s best to avoid trying to create labels and establish boundaries with your new partner until you’ve figured out your life flying solo.
But it’s still worth giving a shot! Think back to the start of your past relationships. Chances are you’ll associate those early days with feelings of excitement. The spontaneity of the relationship keeps us on our toes. Admit it, you’ve spent hours searching for the perfect outfit and busted out some serious dance moves alone in your apartment when the night ends. Why should that have to end? Keeping the spontaneity and the mystery in the deal can make it that much sweeter.
If you can admit that you’re okay with there being a few gray areas in the relationship, then you can stop constantly worrying about the future. No, you may not know that you have one, but since when does establishing a label guarantee a future? The truth is, you don’t know where this new connection will lead, but you’re fine with that because you’re focused on the moment, and in this moment, you’re happy.