What can I say? Some of us just weren’t born to be naturally suave when it comes to everyday situations. In fact, for some of us, getting through a day without a casualty is nearly impossible.
That awkward forced hug (which was originally meant to be a handshake) will casually creep back into our minds as we fall asleep at night. We will relive every cringe-worthy moment, and it will be as awful as the moment it happened.
Here’s a list of everyday awkward situations that keep us up at night:
Let me show you the dance of my people. Oh, you’re going this way…oops! Okay. I’ll go that way instead. Still not right? Oh, God. I should probably just stop moving.
A routine hair appointment can be excruciating. Small talk is inevitable and it will probably go something like this:
“So, have you been styling hair long?”
“Yeah. About ten years.”
“Oh. That’s nice. Do you like being a hair stylist?” (Slaps forehead) Mentally, you beat yourself up over the last statement for the remainder of the appointment. Of course she likes styling hair. She’s been doing it for a decade. Why would I even ask that?
Elevator rides are awful for this reason. Packed elevators mean someone is bound to be in your personal space (and, to make matters worse, they most likely didn’t buy you dinner first). The silence is deafening when riding through multiple floors, and you feel as though you should at least introduce yourself to the person you’re now rubbing elbows with.
We’ve all done it. We’ve all waved to someone who didn’t notice, which resulted in instantly trying to pretend we weren’t waving at all. This also applies to when you think someone is waving at you, and you wave back only be greeted with a look of confusion and realize that they, in fact, were not waving to you. “Don’t mind me…just swatting some gnats!” Can the ground please swallow me now?
Sometimes nature calls in the worst places. When it does, eventually, you find an empty bathroom, but as soon as you sit down, another person takes the stall next to you. Unfortunately, they have to poop too. This leads to a poop standoff. No one wins a poop standoff.
Or notices that you said anything. You’ve hyping yourself up while waiting for the perfect opportunity to speak, and just when you think the moment is right, you proclaim your thoughts—but no one heard. Yep. It wasn’t that important anyway. Excuse me while I crawl under this table and die.
Not wanting to be rude, you hold the door open for someone, even though they’re kind of far away. You stand there awkwardly waiting, forcing the other person to pick up their pace. This is awkward for both parties, and the amount of time it takes for them to reach the doorway feels like a lifetime.
While running into an acquaintance at the grocery store, you politely ask them: “How are you?”, they then ask how you are in return and you reply with, “I’m well. Thanks! How are you?” This can quickly turn into an endless cycle. This is almost as bad as telling your waiter to enjoy their meal too, and is not to be out shown by responding “I’m good. How are you?” to someone who only said hi.
This is perfectly normal, that is until you realize it looks like you’ve been staring directly at someone for a ridiculous amount of time. You quickly dart your eyes to a new focal point and try to act natural.
It’s just the right speed to feel like you’re walking too close behind, but you’d have to walk really quickly to pass them. Soon, you’re in a dilemma as to whether you should stay uncomfortably close behind them, or try to quickly and still uncomfortably walk past them.
Admit it. It’s happened to you, and you probably recreated the noise by moving about in your seat to be sure you’ve convinced everyone around you that it was just the chair and not a fart.
The good news? You’re not alone!
Photo by Victor Bezrukov